I CHOSE DINNER.
I have a list going on my phone with all of my ideas for blog posts and Instagram posts/story ideas. The list keeps growing and growing, as I have so many ideas, so much I want to share. The ideas usually come to me in the middle of the night while I’m awake nursing, and often I’ve forgotten them by morning. If sleep wasn’t so imperative, and didn’t feel so darned good, I’d just write my posts in the middle of the night because it’s 100% the time of day that I feel the most clear, and the most creative. Does anyone understand why this is the case?? Seems like noon would be a lot better time to be clear and creative, but nope, doesn’t work that way.
It’s August 22, and while we still have 2 weekends and a full week before fall really begins - back to school, babysitter for Rye, pumpkin muffins on repeat, break out the bone broth - I feel a shift coming and I’m so excited about it.
Life is all about choices, and never in my life has it been so apparent. All day long, I am faced with decisions to make, that ultimately determine the rhythm of my day. I have 3 minutes, maybe 5 if I'm lucky - do I shower, eat breakfast, do some dishes, respond to an email, call my Mom, do some yoga, take the frozen chicken out? The options go on and on. These are the threads of my day lately, and while it’s taken me a little while to relax into this adjusted life of mine, it’s finally starting to feel juicy (at times). And you know what? It’s all going to shift and change constantly, one major lesson being a Mother has taught me.
I am a ‘3’ in the Enneagram world, for anyone who knows about Enneagram (more on this at some point...and yes it’s on my long list of blog post ideas because it’s helped me in huge ways!!), you know that 3s are production oriented! We are to-do listers, we often go go go. But for me, in this season of life, I’ve had to tell myself “enough, slow down” dozens of times a day. My word of the year, enough, continues to be the word I need to hear, to tell myself, all day long.
About 2 ½ months ago I had a choice, and I made the right one. Many times I make the "wrong" choice, but this time I went with my gut. This choice became a monumental one that shifted my entire summer. It was a Wednesday, and from 3:30-5:30pm we’ve always had Lisa, now a dear friend but once a stranger, come to care for Finn. It’s been a hard transition for Finn to have to share Lisa, especially during this already challenging time of day. So, I am usually with Rye, and Finn and Lisa have special time together. Well this particular Wednesday, Rye was taking a long afternoon nap. It was 4:30, I had Lisa for one more hour and I was pretty sure Rye would sleep another hour (and she did!).
And so the list that I mentioned above started rolling in. I could do a host of things with that time. My knee jerk reaction with an hour of babysitter time, often is to get some work done. I know this may sound strange to some, but again if you understand the Enneagram...and working from home, it will make more sense! Plus, I was paying this babysitter, hadn’t made much time to do my job in weeks, and heck checking 10 20 things off my list can feel really good when life is a series of cooking and cleaning on repeat.
But, I chose dinner. I took a deep breath, thought about the nights where I chose something else and didn’t choose dinner, and how it threw us all off in a big way. So I put some music on, cracked a cold lime Spindrift (my favorite drink this summer) and I made dinner. Alone, in my kitchen, wind blowing in and little Finny outside laughing. It was such a sweet sweet moment, one I would have missed had I not made this conscious choice.
And this one choice, prompted by the book I was reading, Do Less, and my whole mantra of slowing down, landed me on a path of choosing dinner, choosing my kids, my husband, myself...choosing to be in the moment this summer. It’s changed me, I really feel safe to say that as it’s been almost 3 months.
And so, my work. When am I doing my work if I’m not fitting it in the small pockets of my day? In this season, I’m carving out time when Finn is at school and Rye will be with a sitter.. It’s time for me to not be a full time stay at home mom, while trying to run and build a business that lights me up and gives me purpose. It’s time for Mom to have some time for herself, however she wants to spend it!
I hope this post inspires you to do more of what fills you up. To slow down, appreciate the little moments, and make choices in your day that you know are the ones that will make you happiest...and forgetting that to-do list for a while!
Thanks for reading, and for being my community <3
PS: Because I want to put this somewhere: My goal, one of my main goals for September - on, is to write more. To carve out time each week. I’ve totally let it go this summer, which I needed, but I’m ready to open my computer, sit down, and let the words flow. More recipes, and less self-judgement of my posts/ideas….just let it flow Sara!